language problem help needed

[rivemember]

Technology:

XXX is a supplier of search technology products which has been engaged in researching and developing information search and integration technology. We take international advanced intelligence spider and accurate and effective index as our products core technology. Our technology can help crawl the information you need to search and manage and saved it in local server; index the searched information automatically with word databases attached to generate index databases, query integrated information quickly and accurately through information integration platform. Our technology helps you Integrate information in any industry website and intranet with ease£¨doc¡¢txt¡¢pdf¡¢sql server¡¢db2and so on£©.Our proven and cheap technology allows you to obtain the latest information, and further improve working efficiency. Believe XXX, we deliver solutions tailored to your needs.



Could you find some language mistakes in this paragraph? Could you understand it?

[Quadrille]

It's very densely written, repetitive, and fairly hard work to read; not ideal marketing copy to my mind.

But why do you ask?

We cannot rewrite your copy for you, as we know nothing of your product.

You would do well to get a professional to take a look at that - but any copywriter needs to know the product inside out to be accurate, readable and persuasive, while being economical with the language. No online group can be a substitute for getting it right.

Note: the languages we can help with are computer languages; not tidying translation. Sorry.

[Connie]

Hi rivemember and welcome. :hi:

[rivemember]

I really appreciate that you give me good advice . I will try to find a professional to help me . to be frank, my friend asks me to correct her translation from chinese to english. I know a little about search engine knowledge.


:)

[rivemember]

I really glad to be here . I would like to learn search engine knowledge from kind people here and share my knowledge with you.

[rivemember]

I corrected some mistakes. could any one give me some advice further? could you understand what it is about? urgent help is needed. My Msn : rivermember@hotmail.com

** is a professional supplier of search technology products, specializing in researching and developing information search and integration technology. Our products focus on international advanced intelligence spider and accurate and effective index technology. They can help you crawl the information you look for and save in local server; index the searched information automatically with word databases attached to generate index databases, query integrated information quickly and accurately through information integration platform. With our products ,you can integrate information in any industry website and intranet with ease£¨doc¡¢txt¡¢pdf¡¢sql server¡¢db2and so on£©. What is most important, the latest information is put at your figure tip, working efficiency is improved greatly. Seeing is believing! ** delivers best solutions tailored to your information needs.

[Quadrille]

It's still awful. That will never win you a customer.

You need to tell your friend that she needs a professional, who has knowldge of her product, and can talk directly with her to get the details right.

What you are doing is saying "I have a product in this sealed black bag - help me describe the product"

Nice party game - bad business practice. If she wants to make money, she'll need to spend some. Sorry.