Landing Page Critique

[martekbiz]

Hi All,

Working on a few landing pages for a PPC program running for a client.


Keyword PPC ad on Overture (not yet online) being targeted is:

baseball hitting aid


Link: http://www.swingassistant.com/Information/baseballhittingaid.php

Would appreciate any feed back at all.

Thanks.

Aaron

[Bernard]

Hi Aaron,

I took a quick look. The page looks nice and clean.

However, it took me a while to understand what you were selling. In the picture with the girl, the product looks like a simple T (as in T-Ball). The picture evokes a sense that the product is a toy (for girls and boys).

It's not until the first paragraph under your bulleted lists that it becomes apparant that the product is more than a simple T, but the text does not (for me anyway) describe how it works sufficiently. It appears from the description and picture that the thing whirs a ball around for a batter to smash it (and send the whole unit flying). It certainly looks too flimsy in the picture to justify $50.

It might be good to have a couple of time-lapse pictures showing a complete batting sequence (with a serious looking baseball player) to illustrate just what it does (and that it is not a toy).

[martekbiz]

Hey thanks.

I agree with you on that front.

We have video's we're developing for the baseball version and the tennis version to illustrate usage.

Is it flimsy? Yes it is, they's the point of it. Its' supposed to bend and weave as you hit it - mimicking the action of the a thrown ball.

The product, however, is very stable. It has been tested with a Professional MLB Team (Toronto Blue Jays) and only after a few hard and heavy swats were they able to knock it over completely.

They are actually awaiting on an endorsement from the team about the product.

Maybe for now I will wait on the PPC Campaigns until video's are complete for better illustration and more impact.

One thing I know from experience is that people WILL buy on words and not-so-good pictures of products. I just have to wonder when more is needed, you know?

Thanks for your comments. More are greatly welcomed :)

Aaron

[martekbiz]

Hmm...

Lots of looks but few comments?

Lots of people looking at the url (I cans ee logs - remember? ;) ) but few making comments.

*shrugs* Ah well.

I'll take what I can get :)

Aaron

[dsearchguy]

I like the colors, and the layout is nice and clean.
I think it is very nice overall, but I have a few questions/suggestions... Not saying you should do these things, but just to think if they make sense for YOU or not.


Why not add: "baseball hitting aid" to the meta tag title?

Adding the same keyphrase In your h1 tag will help optimize.

In the bottom section:
What others are saying about our baseball hitting aid
I would make that a link to a separate page for testimonials, and create a link for that page on the left side nav.

[PeterStone]

Hi Aaron.

Identify your audience. Are they kids, parents, coaches?

The "erratic movement" sounds negative - frustrating to hit. What exactly does "erratic" mean?

Aaron wrote - "Its' supposed to bend and weave as you hit it - mimicking the action of the a thrown ball".

No. That's called - "True Path" exact pitch simulation - and yours is the only product on the market that precisely and accurately imitates an actual pitch. (Only if that is true).

Depending on your copy strategy, you can then talk about the way "True Path" exact pitch simulation imitates varying speed, angles, high and low and why that is beneficial. What are the benefits? The promises should be much stronger than "could improve your batting". You can build a guarantee off the realized benefits - improve your overall batting averages by 25% in thirty days or your money back. You can do a value add by including an instructional video tape - "Batter's Bootcamp" - with the product.

There's a lot you can do with this product to position it as more than or different from every other batting trainer out there.

Just a thought.


Peter

[scottiecl]

Personally, I hate it when people mess with the scroll bar. Just leave it alone! For usability purposes, blending the scroll bar with the rest of the screen is just a bad idea. </rant>

I agree with the posters above- I like the design and layout but the copy could be more targeted to a specific audience. Still, I could pretty much understand what it did right off the bat (ha ha).

All in all, a very good page!

[scottiecl]

The testimonials are good too. Are they covering the key benefits? I am guessing yes, but you probably know the product better than I.

[DLSWeb]

Good looking page,
RE needing pic of a more professional hitter - that will depend on your market.
Is the boys market or the girls market stronger?
Which is it more designed for?
My read is that it is for softball, first you have a girl in the pic then you have a quote from a ladies league. I think you need to choose either baseball or softball or better yet a page marketing to each.

I coached youth baseball and would say that the concept is great. I would think for $50 there would be a huge market to Dads (individuals rather than teams). Ton's of Dads would spend $50 for a tool to help their son hit better. (wish I had seen it 10 years ago ;) )

Don't oversell the money aspect, heck, when is money an object for your son playing better? Kill the save money and time line - we don't care about that. Just tell us why it works and how it works. How does it simulate the movement of a curve ball? Then I can make up my mind if I think it works.

The question "Want to Improve your Baseball Hitting Technique?" is not even a relevent question. I would make a statement here - "Improve your Baseball Hitting". Have you researched your keywords? Should it be Baseball Hitting or Baseball Bating?

Just a statement that it had been tested by the Toronto Blue Jays is good, endorsement or not.

But like I said, let it sell itself and it will.

[Copywriter]

Hi,

I agree with most of the other posters about the site. It's clean and I love the design. However the picture and the copy seem to be the weak links here.

Who are you selling to? Who's your "perfect" customer? If it's kids... keep the girl (or get a better picture of a kid using the product). If it's adults (like the ladies team you have a testimonial from), show that in the picture. Yes, you can sell to both but you'll need to relate to both.

As for the copy, play to them on an emotional level. After all, most buying decisions are emotional so your ad copy should be, too.

While I don't have specifics on your audience, I might start with something like:

Get Off the Bench
Improve Your Baseball Hitting Technique In Half the Time

Baseball is America's game. Practically everyone at one time or another has played... or has wanted to play. However, hitting a baseball isn't all that easy. Now you can enjoy baseball more fully, have greater confidence in your athletic abilities, and improve your baseball hittiing technique in half the time.

Etc.

Something that "relates" to why they might want to buy the product. Logic makes sense... but people's buying choices don't. Most people are looking for a feeling when they buy something. Give them what they're looking for and you'll make a sale.

Hope it helps,
Karon

[martekbiz]

Hi All,

Wow is all I can say. Great feedback and very relevant feedback nonetheless!

I'll add a few issues...

Re: target market...

Well this product can be used from the youth age group all the way up to adult age level.

While this product can be used for any age level and most skill levels , strategically I think the product would sell better positioned as a tool to help young baseball players develop better hitting and batting techniques.

Re: baseball batting versus baseball hitting...

Thanks for the insight. To be honest I got focused on "baseball hitting" and for some dumb reason never thought to look towards batting as an alternative.

Keyword research was performed for words surrounding baseball hitting, however, briefly looking at Overture (haven't check WordTracker yet) and I see potential for baseball batting as an option as well - though not as highly searched yet less competition in PPC it seems.

Thanks for that.

Re: Copy development....

Since this product could be positioned as a tool for Kids/Youth, my first line of thought is to go with Karon and pull on the heart strings of parents and try to capture an emotional tie with potential buyers.

I don't want to oversell on the emotion but certainly create a "bond" with potential buyers.

Any other thoughts on copy development for my positioning arrangement?

Re: Pictures...

I am a picture person myself. I like pictures. They help me visualize the product and copy helps sell me on the idea or concept being presented.

My problem is my client doesn't really see this. Any other type of promotion he plans on doing (right now) will likely be radio based on sports networks.

He doesn't feel the need to put money into having other pictures created and I'll be honest here, the image of the girl (and I have a couple others I can use) were graphically created.

We isolated a picture of the product as well pictures of "players batting" and manipulated the two together to create something somewhat realistic.

I don't like having to do this, but in the absense of a willing client one has to do what is in their best interest. He has, however, condeeded to a video of the product in use (tennis AND baseball) so that will help.

What does everyone think about graphically manipulated/created images? Please - no thoughts on morality. The product does work and works very well.. my client just had budget issues right now and I need to toe the line until the site does start generating some sales.


ANY other thoughts are warmly welcomed.

As a side note...I wanted to hire a copywriter for the web text but again.. budget said this was not do-able so we're limited on how great we can make the copy as we don't have all the time in the world to spend on this (time = money :0 ).

Thanks Again!

Aaron

[martekbiz]

Also...

Karon - sent you PM!

Aaron

[Bernard]

Originally posted by martekbiz
What does everyone think about graphically manipulated/created images?

I frequent a college discussion board for my alma mater where "Photoshopping" is a popular method of expressing political or comical thoughts. To anyone who sees "photoshopped" pictures regularly, your picture is very recognizable as an edit job. The girl's feet do not look right on the ground and the product base looks strange on the ground as well.

It doesn't bother me from a moral perspective, but the image is just not effective (IMHO). I would suggest taking still images from the forthcoming video to use instead.

[martekbiz]

Ok....


After some tweaking and thinking I have revised the copy of the this page.

Please have ANOTHER look and give me your opinions on this once again.

Again, thanks to all!

Link (http://www.swingassistant.com/Information/baseballhittingaid.php)

Aaron

[scottiecl]

Very nice! I like it much better. Makes me want to buy one!

[Copywriter]

MUCH better! Good emotional appeal without being overbearing.

[PeterStone]

Yep. Much better. The photo is much better, too.

Your headline is getting there. The rule of thumb criteria for making a promise in a headline is that it should be:

1. Quantifiable - Improved batting by how much? What % will it add or by what % will the negative be eliminated. 25% fewer fouls? Two more base hits per inning? These are silly examples, but I use them to illustrate ultra-specificity.

2. Measurable - I think that's covered, already.

3. Time bound - "In half the time" is close. "In thirty days" does it. "After 27.5 hours of use", does it. It's the specifics backed up with a strong guarantee that make your piece believable, credible and trustworthy, overall.

The reason I'm talking about those few words called a headling is that they are an ad for your ad. They set up the rest of the copy. If readers don't buy your headline, they won't buy the rest of your copy.

These aren't original thoughts on my part, by the way. I can't take credit for them. Use them for what they're worth to you.


Peter

[Copywriter]

I agree with you, Peter, in some cases. However, those "rules" aren't applicable to every product/service. In this case, you can't make those statements because you don't know the skill level of the person who's buying the product. Is it a child who's just beginning? Then it may take them 90 days to "perfect" their swing. Is it a high school baseball player who is close but needs some refining? Then it would only take - say - 15 days.

The same with the %. Yes, exact numbers and percentages are excellent to use in headlines but they don't always apply due to the target audience and/or product.

Perhaps the headline could be changed to "50% faster" instead of "Half the Time" or something along those lines.

Overall, good general info, but not "carved in stone" rules, IMO.

Karon

[PeterStone]

Foul ball - The "rule of thumb criteria" I called it was established by the greats, not me. As I said; it's a "rule of thumb criteria". As they said: "Rule of thumb". So, what are you telling me, Karon?

Read my post.



Peter

(Edit) Oh. Duh! I see what happened. I made a comment to the "client" that had to do with "your headline is getting there". Karon wrote that headline.

Karon, I'm out of this thread. I honestly wasn't thinking when I said what I said. Two carpenters will build the same house differently. Neither is better or worse.

That's an apology.


Peter

[Copywriter]

Whoa! Hold on now... not trying to slam you (or the "greats") Peter... just offering a different opinion. No offense intended.

I'm more than familiar with the guidelines you sited (and I did read your post). Just pointing out that - as we've both now stated - they are guidelines and need to be flexible.

And... as I also stated... it's good general information.

Just saw your edit. No problem whatsoever, Peter. Like you said, lots of roads lead to the same destination. Stay in the post... variety is the spice of life and there's room for everybody.

[ihelpyou]

lol Now I want one of those hitting thing-a-ma-jiggys.

[martekbiz]

Originally posted by ihelpyou
lol Now I want one of those hitting thing-a-ma-giggys.
Well Doug,

for only $49.95 plus shipping and taxes (none) to your location you can have one ;)

A

[Copywriter]

Maybe I should start going to a "percentage of sales" pricing structure :p ... NOT!

[martekbiz]

Originally posted by Copywriter
Maybe I should start going to a "percentage of sales" pricing structure :p ... NOT!

Well.... let me put it this way.

This current client I have done previous work for on another ecommerce site he has.

I've done work for this client over the last 3 years. Had the client since his first day on the web.

Now... if I had of struck an arrangement like that with his other site and products? Well lets just say it would have paid my fee's 100X over.

Ah well :)

Aaron

[martekbiz]

I have a slight problem folks.

Given the effectiveness of this landing page.. I now think I need to bring up the content of the other pages in the Baseball Section (and eventually all the product pages).

Or... do people feel this is a good landing page but not a good content page?

Sometimes the lines get blurred and either can be used for varied purposes like what I have here.

Any thoughts?

Aaron

[scottiecl]

Hire Karon to give the entire site a "copy lift". :D

[martekbiz]

Originally posted by scottiecl
Hire Karon to give the entire site a "copy lift". :D




As a side note...I wanted to hire a copywriter for the web text but again.. budget said this was not do-able so we're limited on how great we can make the copy as we don't have all the time in the world to spend on this (time = money :0 ).



I had wanted to originally but like I said he has a limited budget on this one.


I am trying to get another potential client to ante up for copywriting work which Karon will be my first choice :)

Aaron

[PeterStone]

Karon- I left you a note. (Click here) (http://www.imaginationatwork.com/Imagine?_nolivecache&aDrawingID=20030514_181213762_552314280&_lscid=73636210.), please.


Peter

[ihelpyou]

LOL. Too kewl Peter!

I want one of those too !!

[Copywriter]

OK... Doug's in a buyin' mood... anybody else got something to sell :p

Aaron... going out of town first thing in the morning or I'd pop off some ideas for you. Will have to give it a look over when I get back.

Aaron and Scottie... thanks for thinking of me!

Peter... that's a NEAT little gizmo!! And don't worry about it. Who am I? Some "copy diva" that can't take questions or opposing viewpoints from others? Never! You feel free to speak your mind. *I* just thought that *you* thought I was jumping on you. Not the case.

Gotta go pack.

Share the love :D

Karon

[firecrackerqp]

Just a quick comment about something you may or may not have realized...

Left-handed baseball batters (as well as guitarists, etc.) tend to look odd to us right-handers. I'm guessing that's why you flipped the image of the girl at bat...

Still, with a little more time/effort you can remove (or replace) the reversed text on her back.

Like I said, just in case you hadn't realized it was backwards...

Kyle :)

[martekbiz]

Originally posted by firecrackerqp
Just a quick comment about something you may or may not have realized...

Left-handed baseball batters (as well as guitarists, etc.) tend to look odd to us right-handers. I'm guessing that's why you flipped the image of the girl at bat...

Still, with a little more time/effort you can remove (or replace) the reversed text on her back.

Like I said, just in case you hadn't realized it was backwards...

Kyle :)

Actually.. I flipped the image merly because the player was facing the opposite side which would have looked funny iwht the text.

Haven't figured out how to tackle that, if we do. Might just colour it in all together.

Thanks for your input though!

Aaron

[martekbiz]

Hi All,

Just wanted to say thanks again for your comments.

I have decided to use this page as the content page as opposed ot the landing page. I think it's far stronger than what was previously there.

As well, my client is holding off the PPC campaign until we get the video(s) completed.

Thanks once again.

Aaron